Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
