I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize