found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
