she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize