bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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