We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
