I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
