CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
