how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
