I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
