just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
