My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
