; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize