i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
