TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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