hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
