is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
