Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize