I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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