God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
