this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
