When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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