just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just puked most of my soul out..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
