I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
