dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
