i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
