your thong is hanging out like whoa
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
