You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
