We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
