I will die if light touches me.
...so i touched it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
