Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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