I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
