That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
