So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I love how my cats smell like pot.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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