Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
