cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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