we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
