i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
A+ Viking dick
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
