There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
