I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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