Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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