Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
