Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
