Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
