Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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