He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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