...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My breasts were aching with rage.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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