Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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