It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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