Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
