i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
