My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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