Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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