Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
