Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
