i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
