He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
