:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
