He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
