So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
