A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
