I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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