I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
