u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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