Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
