we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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