how can u be prego again
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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