Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
