Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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