Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
