sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think your dad took our porno
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
