When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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