I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
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