so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
