We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
