is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
