i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
