I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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