i think i have two assholes
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize