I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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