they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
