I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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