literally had 100 drinks last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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