God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Everclear isn't food dammit
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
