I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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