just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize