I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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