new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
