So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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