But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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