I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
