I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
