Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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